2017 marks the 20th anniversary of the Portland Adult Soap Box Derby. Each year, a group of adult Portlanders make their way to the hills of Mount Tabor, Portland’s own volcano, with intricate, hand-built soapbox cars to tear down the side of the volcano in an epic race of insanity and near-death craziness much to the great amusement of the huge crowds that assemble there.
It’s a ton of fun, but how did it get started and why?
With the eclipse just a few days away, estimates are rolling in stating that around one million people will visit Oregon to watch it… and smoke weed, apparently.
With more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the country plus a whole myriad of sex-positive groups, meetups, and a particularly horny population (CBS ranks us #1 as the most promiscuous city in the United States) , it’s no surprise that people in Portland enjoy their… erm… nocturnal activities.
However, we’re also a city filled with citizens who care for our animal counterparts with new vegetarian and vegan restaurants popping up all over the place as well as a great concern for organic products not tested on animals.
Well, now you can add organic, vegan sex lube into the mix thanks to Eugene, Oregon’s lube-making company Good Clean Love’s recent announcement that the FDA approved their request to use human volunteers instead of animals during rounds of testing.
Given the amount of rain Portland sees each year (average rainfall is 36.69 inches), you’d be forgiven in thinking that the Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT) would have a plan in place for when more solid stuff falls from the skies (think: snow).
For years, ODOT refused to use salt to clear roads in any circumstance, pointing to potential damage to the environment as the reason to avoid putting down the slippery-reducing substance (despite the environmental damage inevitably caused from dozens of car accidents leaking oil, transmission fluid, gasoline, and a number of other chemicals).
The catastrophes resulting from little to no snow removal have nearly made Portland a national punchline for its residents’ inability to handle the winter weather. Just check out this YouTube video made of some of the insane driving from the Great Snowstorm of 2007.
Well, that’s now changed. Sort of.
Portland is weird. This is nothing new.
We’re both anti-consumerist and one of the most trend-setting (and trend-adopting) cities in the country, if not the world.
We have an attention-seeking population the size of a small country, willing to perform the most inane human party tricks just to have someone look at them (ever seen our unicycle-riding Star Wars-loving bagpipe player?).
So, when American Idol announced its surprisingly-early return this fall (the gods rewarded us with its cancellation a season ago, but, what the gods giveth, they also taketh away), we suppose we shouldn’t be surprised that Portland is the kickoff audition city on Thursday, August 17, 2017.
Portlanders love their food. How could we not? Portland attracts some of the most talented and creative chefs in the entire country cooking up some of the tastiest and most gorgeous dishes in the world.
However, are you one of those Portlanders who goes to the animal shelter and coos over the goofy-looking dog? Did you like the Pontiac Aztek, one of the most hideous examples of committee-designed automobiles ever (best known from Breaking Bad)?
Maybe you don’t want that perfectly round tomato. Maybe you don’t want that apple genetically-designed to be redder than red could possibly be.
If so, we’ve got good news – Imperfect Produce is coming to Portland.
Portland is filled with people who love it. Like anyone who loves their town, they love it the way it is, and, in order to maintain that identity, Portlanders are dead-set against preventing anyone else from moving here.
So, what are the 25 counties in the United States most responsible for sending their residents to our fair city, ruining our entire experience, and creating even more people who hate people who move here?
Well, at least the top three and much of the rest of the list won’t surprise you (we’re looking at you, Arizona and California!), but some of the list might… (more…)
Knowing that the Pacific Northwest is basically the birthplace of rain (we practically invented the stuff), you’d think it wouldn’t be a big deal to Portlanders when weather started falling from the sky.
The truth couldn’t be further from this idea as media outlets all over Stumptown blew up with BREAKING NEWS as a few drops of rain fell from the sky overnight.
Many Portlanders live in blissful ignorance of the many natural and man-made disasters threatening our very existence here in the Pacific Northwest – St. Helens, Crater Lake, and, heck, even Mt. Tabor, are all active volcano ranges intent on taking us out.
Our very location on the west coast makes us a target for a Kim Jong Un temper tantrum, and Portland’s rabid Tesla fan-base means we’ll see automated driving here well in advance of a lot of the country.
Volcanoes, nukes, and artificial intelligence? What’s next?!
Those darn Californians. First, they move to Portland and annoy us all with their terrible driving habits and all their money raising our property values and improving our local economy, and, now, they’re stealing our Salt & Straw!
Seriously, though, Salt & Straw, the hugely successful ice cream company and incredibly-long-line creative factory, is expanding its reach, opening its first store in San Diego later this year after opening locations in San Francisco and Los Angeles.