Small business in Portland needs Viagra.

Northwest Portland BusinessesEvery year, ambitious young people move here with dreams of business ownership. So, why has Portland’s small business vitality ranking with the Business Journal survey dropped year-over-year?

Hard to say, but we think there’s a disturbing trend in the particular kinds of business people want to open, so we’re offering suggestions of what businesses not to open:

Photographer. Any wacko with $600 and access to a computer can buy a DSLR, hang out their shingle and call themselves a photographer. Trust us, Portland doesn’t need another wedding/baby/pet/family photographer. Plus, it’s probably not you who’s a good photographer, it’s your camera.

Restaurant Owner. You’re a great cook and have experience in the restaurant industry. That’s great! We love new restaurants in Portland, for the two weeks they exist before they go out out of business because of costs, staff robbery, fire, food poisoning, flying monkeys…

Massage Therapist. Those who want a massage therapist and can afford one already have one. Those who don’t want one aren’t going to be convinced, no matter how low your prices are (or how amazing-looking you may be).

Website designer. Knowing how to go to godaddy.com and draw in MacPaint does not make you a website designer. Even if you’ve got skills, you’ll be dismayed when client after client doesn’t like what you consider amazing designs. Plus, everyone thinks a website costs $50 and a pack of gum.

App programmer. “It’s just like Facebook except with nudity”, “It’s just like Foursquare but people get points for running red lights” and “It’s like Angry Birds only with fish” are not business ideas. If it’s not “it’s like nothing” then rehearse the following: “Would you like fries with that?”

Blogger. You’ll end up coming up with some idea about Portland where you think you’re writing snarky posts about what makes Portland so great while making no money at all and begging on the street so you can pay your hosting for one more month. Hey, y’know, this one sounds eerily familiar…

Have other business ideas you’d like to warn people not to start? Leave ’em in the comments.

Source: Portland drops in small-biz vitality ranking


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One Response to Small business in Portland needs Viagra.

  1. Mike Watters says:

    We also have an abundance of therapists, but given your last post about Portland’s depression rates, maybe we need every last one of them.

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